I’m on Temperature Control

It’s Tuesday morning; late with the Monday morning milk, again!

Last night we went to a fancy pizza place with our friends Paul and Niamh who were visiting from Dublin.  I knew we were in trouble right away because the double doors were wide open at the entrance, I knew it meant that they were either avoiding the use of AC completely, or that they were trying to do both outside and inside at once, in an effort to attract customers.

It was absolutely boiling outside, with the humidity it musta been at least a 100 degrees, but they were pretending we were in Spain on the esplanade by the water, what a load of bollox, this is Manhattan, and this summer we are under siege by the biggest predatory sauna-like heat known to man outside of Calcutta. I couldn’t wait to get home to the air conditioner, in spite of the wonderful company. They did close the doors after Niamh innocently enquired, “Is the AC in the back?”

This morning came as usual, and the sun was there again, shining bright and appearing innocent enough beyond the protective doubled glass out on First Avenue. Rumour had it that it wasn’t as bad today as yesterday, so I put on the TV to see what the temperature was out there, It said 78 f,

“That’s not bad” said I to Clare.

“What’s the humidity?”

“Fuck knows!”

I leaned down to peer under the blinds at people walking along the pavement on the far side of the street in the shade of the sun-scorched School. How were they walking? Were they struggling along or breezing it?

A young woman wearing khaki calve length trousers seemed to be moving effortlessly enough, but she was young! I’m wondering can we open the windows and let some fresh air in, save some electricity as well. Our last bill was hefty enough, that AC eats electricity.

I know; I’ll open the tiny bathroom window as a tester and see what the air is like? It’s almost good, I can feel something resembling a breeze, and it doesn’t feel like a hairdryer is aimed at me. I decide to take a chance and open up the whole house.  It’s a big decision, a risky one. Clare says that it’s my job to control the temperatures; I’m on temperature control winter and summer.  We have a railroad apartment so it’s important to get the cross breeze. I open the sitting room windows and run to the kitchen so as not to lose a second on this gamble. I’m like a Sailor trying to balance a ship, the AC will be off and we will need air moving in here fast if it’s going to work at all, if I fail and let the big sauna into the house without a rewarding cross breeze, I will have failed, humidity is a bugger to remove. It tends to sit down everywhere and doesn’t like to shift its fat arse back out again. It will cling to the carpet and the sheets, tonight when I’m sleeping it will fill the hollow in my back and surround my neck with a Collar of sweat. The decision is made now and I’m going to the Coney Island for a swim.

Hope to Jaysus I made the right decision.

I’m the captain of the temperature control, tonight as the city screeches past us sleeping sailors, we will feel the heft of my measurement.

P.S We have added the Celtic Connections Festival in Glasgow to the next Irish visit-Jan 20-23